Current mood:	nostalgic
Entry tags:	hamster

Wind in the Willows!
Or more correctly - the tale of the farting hamster!  This has been written especially for louenn so I'll put it under a cut and then the rest of you can go and do something more interesting instead! :)

Many moons ago the dear Sproglet had a pet hamster who rejoiced in the name of Sidney Youngblood!  He was sweet and adorable and liked to swing from the bars of his cage rather in the fashion of a Tarzan actor  It was not unusual to find him hanging by one claw from the metal grid that formed the floor of the upper level of his little bijou residence.  Sproglet, enchanted with her little pet, made him his very own house out of Lego and he took up residence with gusto.  He furnished it with copious amounts of hamster bedding, shredded paper towels and ripped up tissues.  The effect was tasteful but hardly fell into the minimalist school of house decoration!

Like all hamsters he slept for long periods during the day but during the night the house reverberated to the sound of Sidney in his exercise wheel!  However, the walls were thick and he was placed in the far corner of the kitchen so we thought no more of it and slept like the proverbial logs through all of his nighttime activities! :)

One afternoon, when the beloved Sproglet was at school, Mr Warren was sitting in the living room and happily reading the local paper.  I, on the other hand, was ensconced in the kitchen preparing some food for our tea!  All was bliss - tranquil and idyllic in fact!  I became aware of a strange noise punctuating the silence but thought it was probably Mr Warren having a bit of a clear out.  After a while Mr Warren, from deep within the recesses of the living room, called out to inquire as to the nature of the noise he could hear.

FJ surprised: "I thought it was you!"

Mr Warren, offended, hastily denied that he was responsible for the very authentic sounding "Pharps" that were, by now, echoing around the house.  Concerned, we began a search of both rooms, lifting books off shelves, lids off pots, cushions off chairs, etc.  Then we started to open cupboard doors or pulled out drawers and rifled through the contents in the firm belief that we were to find a deflating balloon trapped within these items of furniture.

It was Mr Warren, with his better hearing, who homed in on the source of the noise and began to investigate the corner cupboard that resided above the hamster's cage.

Mr Warren announced authoritatively : "It's coming from here somewhere." 

I joined him in his search and after a moment noted that the Bronx Cheer appeared to be coming from Sidney's cage.  After studying the entrance to his little home it was noted that, as each 'Pharp' was emitted, the copious amounts of tissue that filled the entrance to the Lego cottage seemed to wave in a breeze.  Well, folks, you didn't have to be Einstein to realise that little Sid was doing botty burps!  For the sound he was making to travel throughout the length of the kitchen and deep into the living room you will have to believe me when I say that he could certainly blast them out!  He continued to make these noises, always in his sleep and usually between the hours of 2.30 and 3.30 in the afternoon.  However, if we were having visitors he would try to save them up so that he could go into his party piece and, consequently, flabbergast the all unknowing guests!

I mean, have you ever had to explain to someone that the reason for the noise they could hear wasn't a joke whoopie cushion and it really was their daughter's pet hamster who was making it?!!!!!

For example, two insurance agents tried to sell us a policy one afternoon when, right on cue, Sidney blasted into action.  They looked a tad surprised and then looked at each other.  Then they looked at us.  Pink with embarrassment FJ explained exactly where the noise was coming from but they didn't believe it! I mean would you believe some batty old soul who says: "Um . . . actually . .  that noise is coming from the hamster.  He likes to break wind at this time of day!"  Eventually, and after the two visitors had put their eyeballs back in their sockets, Sidney - wafting them out like tennis balls from a bowling machine -  found himself the centre of attention (although he was blissfully unaware of it) as Mr Warren, two rather large insurance salesman and little old me all crowded around his little metal box and marveled at the synchronization of the trembling tissues which matched perfectly with the "Pharp" noises coming from Sidney's boudoir!

For such a small creature he was amazingly loud and he could vary the speed and tone to a masterful degree.  Sidney letting forth with a long one was a sound to marvel at!  I suppose if we could have got him on the animal section of "That's Life!" we could, possibly, have been as famous as the dog that said 'Sausages!'  but having to be known as the 'Farting hamster people' tended to put us off!

We never had another one that produced such a melodic accompaniment to his slumbers but his very own little wind section used to brighten our day on many an occasion! :)